It was September 17, 2009.
It is a hard day to remember.
It was 7:05 am and I dropped by my boss’s office to say good morning and then take my lunch to the lunch room, but I never made it there. I glanced at the clock and remember thinking, “It is only 7:10 am and I am getting a really bad migraine.” That was the last thing I remember until 7:55 am.
I had a seizure. Apparently my lunch box flew. I went face down onto the cement floor and seized. My chin ripped open in the fall, I broke four teeth, and I stopped breathing. Thankfully my boss was there. She got help, I got CPR, and the ambulance came. Someone frantically called my husband, who had stayed home that day, and woke him up. He said it was a horrible thing to wake up to a phone call from your wife’s work. The first thing I remember is the paramedic asking me who the President of the United States was. I answered his question and said, “Can we move on?” I had been answering the questions but I have no recollection of it at all. How can our brains do that? I don’t know.
But as we drove to the ER, I realized that something bad had happened. And I was 14 weeks pregnant with my first child. I wasn’t worried about me, I was worried that I had ruined my child. I was worried about my husband driving to see me, I was worried that I was going to have to be making some crazy phone calls and yet, I didn’t even remember what happened.
It was a really hard day and a really humbling day to realize that life is so precious. One minute I am saying good morning and then I am sitting in the ER the next. Everything turned out just fine. My baby girl was just fine (good thing I had some nice padding for her!), my chin got stitched up, I spent a lot of time at the dentist, and I was not allowed to drive or be by myself for a period of time. It was another part of the humbling experience. My independence was suddenly taken away from me. I felt like I needed to process what was going on, but I was always with someone. I am so grateful for so many people who helped me during that time. I am grateful for Val, Doug, Scott, Terrie, Denise, Eric, and our parents who would call and check up on me from time to time. Part of me realized that I was learning a big lesson, but the other part of me still didn’t grasp what had happened.
Through all the neurological testing that came after, there were NO answers. It was a “fluke” and because they couldn’t figure it out they wanted to put me on high doses of medication that I felt that I didn’t need. I didn’t take anything, I didn’t have any more seizures, but the memory of that day lives on.
The question for me was never, “Why Me?” but the question has always been “Why am I still here?” I don’t think that I have all the answers to that question still. Seven years later and I am still finding daily little puzzle pieces, but I am so grateful for the time I have been given. I try hard to send something to my two heroes that saved me that day, but I don’t feel like it is ever enough. How can you truly give something back to people that gave you your life back?
I am thankful for that day, seven years ago when I was able to remember that my life is in the hands of God. I am thankful for that day, and for the many blessings and miracles that I have been able to be a part of. I am thankful for that day, and for the many days that have happened after. But most of all, I am thankful for life, for God, and for His love for me. I have felt His love for me, in many tender times. I am grateful that He is there for me, even when I turn away from Him and need to humble myself to feel His hand in my life. What a blessing to have many hands lifting me up so many times. I use this day to remember the many people in my life, who have lifted me up and who continue to lift me up. Thank you.