Watching

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This week of motherhood has been a huge learning curve.  Last week my daughter got sick, I am not going to go into details, but it is not something that just goes away over night.  It is going to be something that we deal with all the time.  There is a family tendency towards it, but every person is different.  And it is hard.

It is not that her condition is necessarily hard to diagnose and there are things to help, but it is basically try and fail and try and fail and try and make progress and the pattern repeats.  You know what the hardest part is, though?  Watching your child suffer.  It is hard to see my daughter wrench in pain, scream because it hurts, and not be able to do ANYTHING about it.  At times I feel worthless.  All I can do sometimes is just give her a hug and tell her to calm down.  But you know what I want to do?

I just want to take it away and have my happy girl back.

I am sure that is what Heavenly Father feels like at times with me and probably every one of us.  I know that He doesn’t like to see us in pain, but that it is part of our learning curve.  I am sure that He longs to take away our pain, sorrow, and heart ache, but knows that it will teach us so much more then just taking it away.  I also know that He has given me a hug and told me to calm down.  Sometimes it comes in the form of another person who is being His hands, and sometimes it comes as a feeling in my heart.  He never leaves me, unless I turn away.

I plan to be there for my daughter, and know that Heavenly Father is there right now for her and for me.  Sometimes it doesn’t make it any easier, but I am so glad I don’t have to do this parenting thing alone.  I always have someone to turn to and I always can talk to Him, in prayer.  If you didn’t know, prayer is power.  Literally, prayer is power!

My prayers are for my daughter and for ways to be able to help her.  And I know that there will be many hugs for both of us.

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3 thoughts on “Watching

  1. Tali October 24, 2016 / 3:29 am

    Oh Annette! My heart aches for you both. My daughter and I are dealing with something g similar. She will deal with it her whole life. Knowing that feels overwhelming most of the time. But I realized that also means that she will learn and grow in ways we can’t even imagine. And one day when she has dealt with it for many many years she will be an expert. She will have so much compassion to give and know so many ways to cope and things that helped. When I thought about it this way it gave me a little hope. I shared my thoughts with her and she was happy I did. She already likes to find others she can support and love going through similar trials. It’s still so hard to watch my 8 year old rive in pain and be unable to stop it. In those moments I pray for both is us. It is so hard for me to not doubt my efforts when I see no success and to not question my worth as a mother. Thank you for writing this. I needed the reminder that My Father in Heaven loves and values us. God bless you both!

    Like

  2. Victoria November 7, 2016 / 1:27 pm

    Annette, I’m so sad to read this. What can we, your extended family, do to support you and your daughter?

    Like

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