Believe Him

I read something this past week that I have been thinking about A LOT.

“We come to know the Lord as we not only believe IN Him, but also BELIEVE HIM and His assurances.” David Bednar

This thought has been rolling around in my head almost non-stop.  I kept asking myself that same questions, “Do I really believe in Christ” and “Do I really seriously believe Him”?  The first question was easy for me.  I do believe in Christ!  I know from study, pondering, and prayer that He is real, present, and our Savior.  The second question though was a different matter.  There are many things that I believe that Christ will do and can do for “us” but I never took things personally.  Do I believe that He will help ME, an ordinary red-headed girl living in a great big world?  There are many times I have prayed for someone to receive a certain blessing because I know that Christ would do that for them.  There have been times when my prayers were not as sincere and although I would pray for something, it was more of a trite phrase and I truthfully never though it would happen to me, because again I am just me.

I remember when I was single and trying to be in the dating scene, but just feeling awkward about the whole thing.  I remember thinking that all my roommates deserved to be married and how amazing they were (and they all still are!) and that the boys should just snatch them up.  I also remember praying one night that some day that I would get married and literally saying in my head, “yeah right” and moving on.  Another day I remember talking to God and telling Him that life was good, I had things figured out and it was totally fine if I never got married…and then before I could go on, I stopped myself.  Actually, I just couldn’t go on.  I remember the feeling of truly feeling God’s love at that moment and that I needed to just trust Him. I didn’t believe Him and that assurance, but then not even six months later I was married.

Why do we sell ourselves short?  Why is it so easy for us to see God’s hand in other peoples lives but discount them in our own?  David Bednar reflected on the account of the father that asked the Savior to heal his son in Mark 9:22-23 and then he said this, “[P]erhaps he needed help to believe the Master’s healing power indeed could be so individual and so personalized as to bless his own beloved son.  He may have believed in Christ generally but not believed Christ specifically and personally.”  Yep, that is what I have felt.

But then again, I have had times in my life when I felt God’s love for me SPECIFICALLY and on a very personal level.  I have been healed through the atonement of Jesus Christ, I have been carried on His shoulders and have been buoyed up in times of trouble.  I have many blessings in my life that have come from a loving Heavenly Father, my family has been blessed in many ways, and I have felt His peace.  I need to LIVE that more. I need to be able to not pause when I think about truly believing Him.  I need to trust more and throw out fear.  And I need to believe MY Savior and remember how personally and individually He loves me.

Lately…

Lately, I haven’t felt much like writing.  When I started this blog I promised myself that I was not going to be one of THOSE people who started a blog and loved it for awhile and then left it. Also, my introvert has been coming out and saying that no one really cares and who knows how many people actually read this blog and why do I share things with people who don’t even know me.  I am not leaving…I have just decided that some things are more important that others.  I have found myself the last month reflecting on how important each day is and have been living in the moment, instead of always thinking ahead to what is coming.  I have done that for most of my life.  When this happens…I can’t wait until….I wish it was Saturday.  If I just keep looking toward the next thing, I am truly missing the journey of it all.  It has been amazing to just enjoy what is happening today, NOW, and watch my cute kids as they are learning and growing.

Some kid observations, if you don’t mind… First, my 4 year-old son. He is a constant question, he has questions about everything.  I am so grateful that his little brain is working, and learning, and growing, and sometimes it gets annoying to keep hearing questions but I have become more mindful of his questions and have started answering them truthfully and he is learning that mom AND dad don’t know everything!  Then we get to learn something new!  How fun!  He has also been learning sight words and has been reading.  It is amazing to see him connect all that he is learning and see him realize that HE CAN read!   He has been totally empowered by that!  He is a tender hearted, sweet,tickle lover, rule following and rule stretching kid and I sure love him!

Second, my 2 year-old.  She is such a girly girl.  My other daughter is not, but we are experiencing everything pink and princess.  Some days there are fights between her and her brother because he is calling her by her name and she insists that her name is “Princess Ana”.  She loves to wear a dress and will cry her eyes out if she doesn’t get to wear one . She decides what princess she is by how she wants her hair done.  Two braids or pig tails= Princess Ana, one braid with a beautiful bow=Queen Elsa, hair down=Rapunzel and on and on and she will tell you, “I am a beautiful princess”.  When I ask her if her bed is warm and snuggly, she always responds with “No, my bed is cute.”  She has been picking up on songs, and if she catches you at the piano, expect to stay there.  If she catches you on the couch by the library books, expect to stay there until all are read.  Her first question almost every morning is, “Will you read me a book?”  And if you think a 2 year-old can’t talk, well let me assure you, she can talk, a lot!  She is sweet, super cute, feisty, has her own opinion, and loves to eat condiments and I sure love her!

Lastly, my first born.  My 6 year old who will say, “I am almost 7!!!!!!!” She loves to read.  Over Christmas, Great-Grandma gave her an abridged version of “Anne of Green Gables”.  She has read the whole thing twice, so we decided to get the movie from the library.  I remember waiting for it to come on PBS when I was little and they always had to continue it the next day because it is so long.  Well, we finally got it from the library (we actually had to put it on hold because it was ALWAYS checked out) and started watching it this weekend.  She laughs and laughs and keeps saying, “I won’t tell you what happened next, because I don’t want to ruin it for you.”  I have forgot how great the movie is and it is way more funny now too!  She is learning so much at school and it was awesome to ask her a couple of days ago what the difference between a long “a” and a short “a” is and she totally knew the answer.  It made my English loving husband so proud!  She is sassy, has the greatest belly laugh in the world, is a thinker, creative, a bookworm, and tells me what to do some times, and I sure love her!

Lately I have just been enjoying life.  It has been great to also spend more time with my husband and to read.  Have I told you that I love reading, well I do.  So instead of day dreaming about a post to write, my mind has been busy with being in the present.

Thoughts on a Word

I sat two rows away as I watched people pay their final respects for a great man. The funeral director then asked the family members to come forward.  My mother-in-law waited for her siblings and then she gave her dad one last look.  Grandma then went and gave Grandpa a kiss, a hug, and whispered something in his ear then everyone stepped back.  The last time we would see our dear friend on this earth.  I was bawling.  My kids on my lap where looking at me like I was crazy, their little minds not understanding the sweetness of the moment.

Grandpa died before our anniversary, so we knew after our little celebration at home we would be traveling to go to the funeral.  New Year’s Eve was quiet and the old year passed by in the night, with all of my little ones and my hubby breathing deeply in their sleep.  As I lived that scene above I was just filled with an understanding of the truth that we will see those we love again.  That this life is not all and that there is something higher and bigger than us.

Since this all happened before our anniversary and I was already thinking about the beauty of human love and how amazing of a man I married, my thoughts turned to Grandma and Grandpa. I was reading in the scriptures about how marriage is called of God.  One verse really struck me this time, even though I have read it many times before.

Genesis 2:24

24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

My hubby is a word nerd, so it has rubbed off on me.  So yes, I looked up the word CLEAVE.  Our good friend Merriam-Webster defines cleave as:

to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly.

That is spot on.  When we cleave unto our spouse we are adhered firmly together, we are close, we are loyal, and we are unwavering in our love to one another.  I was grateful for the time that I have had to reflect not just on my own marriage, but to see it in the lives of Grandma and Grandpa, my In-Laws, my Own parents, and many others around.  It pays to look up words that you think you already know the definition to, the meaning becomes deeper, more real, and you can more fully live the definition in your life.

Hold your loved ones close, they are a blessing every day.

The First Decade

This past week me and my sweet hubby celebrated 10 years of marriage!  Woo Hoo!  It some ways I can’t believe that it has already been 10 years, but in another way it feels like we have always been together!  Lots of things have happened in those 10 years and it has been an amazing journey.  My husband has received his Bachelor and Master Degree, we have had three wonderfully cute kids, been through some learning times, made lots of memories, and continue to make memories.

20161230_091539

There have been lots of changes in those 10 years.  When we got married Scott did not like pizza.  Now, that is just down right crazy, isn’t it.  Well, he likes it now!  Every Friday at our house is pizza Friday (usually homemade :)).  He also didn’t like spaghetti…sometimes this one is up for debate, you just have to add meatballs!  Our relationship has grown a lot in the 10 years as well.  It is hard to describe, but it has been most amazing.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to have lots more decades of memories ahead!