I read something this past week that I have been thinking about A LOT.
“We come to know the Lord as we not only believe IN Him, but also BELIEVE HIM and His assurances.” David Bednar
This thought has been rolling around in my head almost non-stop. I kept asking myself that same questions, “Do I really believe in Christ” and “Do I really seriously believe Him”? The first question was easy for me. I do believe in Christ! I know from study, pondering, and prayer that He is real, present, and our Savior. The second question though was a different matter. There are many things that I believe that Christ will do and can do for “us” but I never took things personally. Do I believe that He will help ME, an ordinary red-headed girl living in a great big world? There are many times I have prayed for someone to receive a certain blessing because I know that Christ would do that for them. There have been times when my prayers were not as sincere and although I would pray for something, it was more of a trite phrase and I truthfully never though it would happen to me, because again I am just me.
I remember when I was single and trying to be in the dating scene, but just feeling awkward about the whole thing. I remember thinking that all my roommates deserved to be married and how amazing they were (and they all still are!) and that the boys should just snatch them up. I also remember praying one night that some day that I would get married and literally saying in my head, “yeah right” and moving on. Another day I remember talking to God and telling Him that life was good, I had things figured out and it was totally fine if I never got married…and then before I could go on, I stopped myself. Actually, I just couldn’t go on. I remember the feeling of truly feeling God’s love at that moment and that I needed to just trust Him. I didn’t believe Him and that assurance, but then not even six months later I was married.
Why do we sell ourselves short? Why is it so easy for us to see God’s hand in other peoples lives but discount them in our own? David Bednar reflected on the account of the father that asked the Savior to heal his son in Mark 9:22-23 and then he said this, “[P]erhaps he needed help to believe the Master’s healing power indeed could be so individual and so personalized as to bless his own beloved son. He may have believed in Christ generally but not believed Christ specifically and personally.” Yep, that is what I have felt.
But then again, I have had times in my life when I felt God’s love for me SPECIFICALLY and on a very personal level. I have been healed through the atonement of Jesus Christ, I have been carried on His shoulders and have been buoyed up in times of trouble. I have many blessings in my life that have come from a loving Heavenly Father, my family has been blessed in many ways, and I have felt His peace. I need to LIVE that more. I need to be able to not pause when I think about truly believing Him. I need to trust more and throw out fear. And I need to believe MY Savior and remember how personally and individually He loves me.