The past couple of months have been hard. They have been defined by loss, grief, sadness, a broken heart, and reflection. But they have also been punctuated by happiness, faith, hope, love, and joy. And let’s just say that punctuation is what makes ALL the difference.
Three wonderful people have said good-bye for now, although it always seems too soon, and I have realized that it is not for us to decide. As I have reflected on these wonderful people I can’t help but think about important people in my life and truly for life itself. Today is the nine year anniversary of my seizure– aka- my second chance of life. It is always a solemn time for me to be reminded of the life I have lived since that fateful day in September. It is a time for reflection on the goodness of others and their willingness to help me and fight for me, when I was truly helpless.
This year is has been different though. It feels different due to the loss around me. It feels joyful to know that there is hope and that even though there is hope and that even though grief is not a great friend, it can be a wonderful teacher. I have realized this time how I have been grieving for a long time for someone that I love and my heart feels like it has been broken for a long time. She is still here, physically, but has slipped away slowly each year getting farther away from who I know her as. Her mind is fogged, her words don’t come to her lips, her fingers don’t play the piano anymore, and her hands are unsteady. It has been a cruel process to watch, especially from 300+ miles away. The decline has been felt and watched from each member of our family. We are grieved, we are all unsure, and it is hard going to memorials/funerals because I know that someday it will be me behind the tear-filled eyes.
But it is not me officially, so it feels foreign to feel that unwanted friend of grief. My heart longs for some more punctuation and fewer run-on sentences. That is all we have, two dates with a dash in-between, but it is the dash that makes all the difference. For now, I am trying to make the most of the punctuation and enjoy those little things of life. I have done a lot of living since nine years ago- brought three precious kids into the world, have a wonderful husband, and have not always made perfect decisions, but I have tried my best. I am praying I can do my best with my time with my mom and help her enjoy the punctuation as well.