One year this blog has been alive. Crazy. It is time to look back to see how much the trees have grown. I actually want to just write about a few things that I have noticed since starting this fun blog.
1- I am WAY better at expressing my emotions in written form. I also have a lot more to say when I am writing it down and that is a good thing because I learn from those extra words that come out. As I look back at posts through this year, I am reminded of fun times, happy times, hard times, trying times, and the rotation continues through it all. But I am grateful that we have the opportunity to choose how to feel, no matter what time it is.
2- I really like mediating. That sounds so weird, but I do. I have to admit I have slacked for a couple of weeks, and I am feeling it. I had a great conversation the other night with my cute husband about how his mediation is totally different than mine, but that it bears the same benefits for him.
3- Sometimes I have nothing to say, and that is okay. I was going to blog every week for the unknown, but realized that that was too taxing on me and that I am okay with working through silence. Silence is a good thing and makes things more clear. I am grateful to be able to realize that being still is important.
4- I am always grateful for the responses that I receive. At first, I used to live for responses and see how many people read what I wrote, but I was missing the point. This blog, although it is out there with many people, my self-esteem is NOT dependent upon responses or likes or how many random people came to visit my blog.
5- I am of worth. One person does make a difference where ever their sphere is and that is all I need!
A few months ago I had a panic attack. I can’t really say that I have had a full blown out one, but life was getting to me and I didn’t successfully defuse my stress so…panic attack. It almost felt like I was getting a migraine. My body started going numb. I was hot, but freezing, and my muscles were SO tense. Well, the muscles would not relax. Then my arm started going numb and I had some pain, so I went to the insta-care. They told me I was fine and couldn’t really find anything wrong with me and suggested I follow up with a sports therapist to help with my range of motion. The sports therapist said there was nothing wrong with me and suggested I go to a physical therapist. The physical therapist just told me that I had really tight muscles (oh really?!). She gave me some stretches to do to help loosen them up and mentioned in passing that I could try some meditation or yoga to calm my brain.
I was super consistent with my exercises because they really did ease the muscle tightness, but it still wasn’t enough. A couple of weeks ago I downloaded some meditation apps and thought I would give it a try. I did one that had a goal of doing ten minutes of guided meditation for ten days. I thought, “why not” and started that day. It was actually so GREAT! I loved it! I could totally tell a difference with the way my body felt, my stress level, and being more calm.
I also have been exercising more and on my off days I meditate. One day I was doing my meditation practice and the nice lady with the amazing voice said something that hit me. She was talking about how we are addicted to physical progress, we love to have our lists and check things off and because we are addicted to it, we never take the time to turn off all the noise and just do nothing. I had to pause my practice to write it down because all I could think about was that thought and I wasn’t suppose to think about anything. I am totally an addict to physical progress, I have an ongoing to do list notebook, I love to tell my hubby when he comes home from work what I got done, and I love to think about making more lists. But I have been more mindful in just being okay with sitting outside in the shade for a few hours and watching my kids play. It is freeing.
So, go find a place to meditate and move forward. Your head (and the rest of your body) will thank you!