Blessed with Earthly Angels and a Big Mama Bear

The past couple of weeks we have been especially blessed.  We have had two different packages left on our door step, one specifically for our kids (so full of little toys and things the box wasn’t even closed all the way) and another one for the kids and us, as parents (Little People Nativity and some Christmas cash).  I can’t even tell you what these few things have meant to me.  Remember my post about not feeling like I matter, well receiving these unknown gifts made my heart burn.  It was a tender reminder to me, that someone out there was thinking of our family.  I have no idea who gave us those gifts, but the greatest gift they really gave, was love.  It wasn’t about the gifts really for me, it was the joy that entered our home when our kids especially felt SPECIAL LOVE for them.  I didn’t feel like we were worthy of such gifts, but the gift of love and joy are true gifts from a Heavenly Father that loves us.  What a blessing to see this happen in our own home.  Then this week, some special new friends, have picked our family to do the 12 days of Christmas to.  I have no idea who it is, but our kids look forward to it every night.

15349662_748601071969042_9016670552724542087_n

To say that I don’t feel blessed, would be a lie.  How blessed I feel by “earthy angels” who have shared love and joy in our home and continue to do so.  What a blessing!  I hope you are looking for the blessings in your life and in ways to be a blessing to those around you.

With all that said though, there is more.  Some days I feel like I’ve got this parenting thing down, but other days I feel like a complete failure.  I felt like this week has been a dismal failure.  Maybe, it is way too many failures that have culminated.  They have been complaining about EVERYTHING and one kid has even started the “I never get to do what I want to do…”.  The other huge struggle this week…eating dinner.

We have been working on breaking our kids’ habit of being picky eaters.  We have introduced a lot of new food along with new rules for dinner.  One rule is they have to try 5 bites of whatever is new.  They don’t have to LIKE it, but they have to EAT it.  Well, tonight it was all out war.  I was excited to eat dinner until the complaining started before I even sat down.  I love cooking, I love baking, and it is hard to hear complaining before I even reach the dinner table.  Ugh.  This challenge of introducing new things etc., is not for the weak in spirit and consistency is the key, but tonight I snapped.  I made my 4-year-old sit at the table until he ate a carrot and a potato (it was like ¼ of each).  He did not like that.  He sat there for a long time, with 3 bathroom breaks and lots of complaining.  I finally let him leave, but he will be eating said food at breakfast and lunch if he hasn’t finished (and dinner is leftovers).  Maybe I am too mean of a parent, but I am trying to show him that I will follow through and his complaining is not going to make his food go away.  But, that doesn’t mean that I feel great about it.  I feel like a total failure.  Why can’t we just sit down for Sunday dinner, have a great conversation about what we learned about at church, and enjoy being together.  Someday..

I feel like sometimes I don’t know how to be a mom, I don’t know how to teach them certain things, and I just hope that I am doing something right, because I feel like I am ruining them. With all that said though, I want the best for them.  I want them to be able to be good people and good kids and respectable.  I want to see what they are passionate about and what drives them. I love to see them create and imagine and grow and I marvel at all their little brains can do and learn in so short of a time.  I want to be a close knit family, I want my kids to be each others best friends and to enjoy life together.  I want them all to know that I will fight for them.  I want to share, tell, and sink love deep in their hearts from their mom.  I don’t want them to question at all that I love them, and I just hope that all my failures and shortcomings I will somehow be able to teach them to love and serve and care for each other and for those around them.  I want them to be the people reaching out, like people have been reaching out to our family, instead for greedy gift hoarders.  For Christmas I want our home to be a place of peace and a place where all love more.

Advertisements

Singing with the choir

hymns-768191-gallery

Music has always been a part of my life.  I have been blessed to be surrounded by people with musical talent.  My grandpa was in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir for years.  My dad is very musically gifted.  He can name almost any classical piece by just listening to it.  He can sing, he used to play the violin and the guitar, and he can teach people how to sing.  My mom was a concert pianist and could sing opera.  They were an amazing match.  They met in college doing musical theater stuff.  I have so many memories of growing up with music.  My mom would play the piano often and I loved to hear that music through the house.  My dad would sit in his den with the door closed and BLAST his classical music.  I am not sure why he closed the door, you could hear like it three houses down, but it is always a fun memory to think about it.  For a number of years my mom and dad were the backbone of the ward choir.  My dad conducted the music and taught the choir members tons!  I learned a lot from him while I was sitting in those choir pews.  My mom played the piano for the choir, and the organ for sacrament meeting, and the piano in Relief Society.  When I was little she played the piano in primary.  My sister can sing high soprano and it is amazing as her kids are getting older to watch in amazement at her kids and their vocal abilities.  One of my favorite memories was when my sister and my dad sang together.  I still have the sheet music for that song and hold it dear, it was an incredible moment.

And then there is my husband.  He can play guitar, he writes his own songs, records his own songs and is just plain amazing.  Seriously, we have 5 different guitars in our house and multiple recording things to go with them.  It is great!  I have been truly blessed by his talent and he always amazes me.  And his dad is a great singer, his mom taught herself how to play the piano and the organ and can sing as well.  He has a sister that plays the violin, so there are lovely musical people that have surrounded me!

I would like to say that I can hold my own when it comes to music.  I started taking piano lessons when I was 8 and enjoyed it.  I must say I didn’t always work as hard as I should have.  I can read music pretty well and sometimes just let my musical ability pull me through, instead of practicing seriously.  But, I am so grateful for my loving piano teacher and all that I was able to learn from her. Now that my kids can entertain themselves to some sort it has been fun to play a little more when I can. I can sing, but I am not the best.  I taught myself to sing alto as a freshman in college, because I was sick of just being the “regular” soprano.  Harmonizing is fun!  Anyway, it was a switch though because in high school I always was singing Soprano II and it was hard to switch, but I like it.

In high school I sang in the women’s choir (which was super early, like 6:30 am) and it was fun.  My senior year I played the piano for a few friends when they auditioned for chamber choir.  I was shocked when the choir director asked me if I wanted to audition.  I really wanted to, but AP Biology was the same hour as chamber choir, and I decided AP Bio was a better idea.  I really, really regret that.  I was horrible at Biology and wish I would have been brave enough to do something I really wanted to, instead of something that I “should” do.  But, what is done and done.  In college I auditioned for a choir, but didn’t make it and that was the end of me trying at all. I didn’t think I was good enough and so it goes.

Later when I served a mission for my church, I got to sing a lot.  One memory stands out.  My companion and I were asked to sing at a funeral, no big deal.  Well, we were to sing in a church that was a different denomination, which was fine, but the pastor was not happy at all about it.  When we got to the funeral we had prepared but we had never met our pianist and didn’t practice with her specifically, so we just prayed that we would add to the spirit of the meeting.  When we started singing, I am pretty sure that a choir of angels was singing for us.  My companion and I just looked at each other when we were done and knew that our prayer had been heard.

Because of the wonderful time I had in choir growing up with my parents, I have always wanted to be part of the ward choir.  You don’t have to try out, you don’t have to claim to sing amazing, you can just go and sing praises to God no matter who you are.  Well, with my husband and his responsibilities in church and three young kids, choir seemed like it was something that was going to come later in life, whenhad time for it.  A few months ago, I keep getting the feeling that I should really try and figure out how I could get to choir and rearrange things so that I could do it now.  I needed some outlet and knew that the choir director had a lot of musical knowledge and I could learn something.  But it just came down to the fact that I wasn’t willing to make the sacrifice because I didn’t have time for it.  Then a got a call to meet with the bishop…oh man.

I was asked to serve as the person that set up the special musical numbers in my ward and a big part of that was supporting the choir.  The bishop asked that the choir perform once a month.  I thought that was a daunting task because of the size of the choir, but recognized this as the way that God wanted me to have time for choir.  There are lots of other things to do with my calling, besides supporting the choir, but I feel that this was a huge blessing for me.

When we sacrifice our time, our talents, or whatever it may be, the blessings in return are immeasurable.  My only regret, is that I would have CHOSEN to humble myself and make that sacrifice myself because that would have been sweeter.  The joy comes faster when we truly humble ourselves instead of being compelled to be humble.  There have been and continue to be answers to prayers from my choir attendance.  I cannot say that it is easy to go every week, but then the uplift comes and I am so grateful for the opportunity I am given at this time to make the sacrifice and truly be refined in the process.  The tender mercies are too close and personal to share at this time, but I have truly been humbled.

So my question to you, what are you going to sacrifice to be a better person, to be willing to give what you can so that you can receive those tender mercies in your life?  I hope you will be humble and be willing to give of yourself to help those around you and to thank your Heavenly Father.